This was my last summer before my illness and my lovely body exploded in unimaginable ways for months on end. I was trying to hitchhike my way with a close friend. We were tired, hot and snappy but so, so happy. We never made it to where we wanted to go (!) but we got a ride to somewhere better (a restaurant!!)
Sometimes we think we know our direction in life but the universe has other plans for us and throws us into a washing machine where north, south, up and down, light and darkness, shape or form cease to exist completely.
It shakes you to your core and strips you of all that you thought you were. A core made up of nothing but Soul.
Sense is sense no longer. The brain tries to process but it doesn't quite get there. The vibration is different. It's as if you are trying to drive a car in a motorway in first gear.
So. much. resistance.
And then you give in. Release. Not because it's a new rational technique to deal with the agonising and terrifying pains your body is provoking but because you cannot resist any longer. The words exhaustion, fear, horror, pain and suffering are violently stripped of their meaning and become droplets in an ocean that is far graver than all of them combined times infinity.
You are left with no more rational choices so you instictively accept the pains.
You accept the not knowing when, if, and how will they end. Or increase. Or change.
Is it like this forever? Is this dying. So it be.
You accept fully, from the core, your soul, not the brain. You allow your body to express what it must , as horrific it may be. You trust that this new direction you are not in control of, however painful, scary and crazy it seems, is the one to take.
Whether the dis ease is physical, emotional or mental, more or less painful, more or less accepted, with or without medical diagnosis, it is nothing more than your soul taking charge and changing the direction through your body.
Yes, illnesses and dis eases are desperately lonely and can bring suffering beyond rational comprehension. Not just to us but to everyone that loves us.
But you see that is the point. Our direction always lies within the heart, not the brain. For authentic change of direction, rational it must not be. And all we must do is accept. Be.
I look back at this photo with so much love and awe for someone that had no idea he would encounter pain and death so closely, so soon.
Because yes, in the end it is Love that paves the way and takes you to where you need to be.
And that's when miracles happen.
So it be.